Recently while talking to Monika, a long-time Intu user, I remembered a story from 2006 when I was in India on a very intensive teacher training course.
There was an otherwise very cordial D. with us who assumed that he manifested in practice almost everything he had read about being highly spiritualized (whatever that means). That he is free from everything, that he looks at the ego illusion from the standpoint of a witness. Until once, we had the challenge of telling about our fears in groups. Each of us went out and recitied a litany of fears: flying, moths, darkness, old age, parents, loneliness, rejection … In response, D. came forth and announced:
“I am not afraid of anything – only my ego is afraid” To which the leader immediately asked: “Yes? So if I push you back now, you will fall to the floor without being secured?” D.’s jaw dropped. With this one question, the leader disarmed the non-existent division of D : the self-story that he is separated from the ego. This is a constant theme on the spiritual paths. I’ve seen it hundreds of times. A mix of rationalization, denial, control and watering it with a sense of spirituality “because he does not feel the fear, only the ego”. Only then which “he”? If there is no ego, there is no “he”. Complete wandering in a sense of spiritual flourishing.
Pretending to have reached some preferred state while in fact sweeping things under the rug has its perks of a delightful high and fervent determination, but in the long run it asks for trouble.
Instead of pretending: stay with what is. Even if it’s fear. Do you know such stories?